In interviews and networking, there are two things being evaluated along with your skills and experience. Your energy level and the self-confidence you convey.

I’ve seen candidates who were a great fit on paper be rejected by the hiring manager after the first interview. Why? Nothing to do with their skills or experience, but because they did not sound confident, did not come across as high-energy, or sounded desperate. As simple as that.

When you’ve had difficult, sometimes embarrassing, occasionally humiliating, and certainly frustrating experiences in your job search, a positive attitude can seem to be very elusive—and worthless. Every time I was in job search mode, I tried to pretend I was feeling positive and self-confident. I also tried to convince myself people wouldn’t feel I was pretending.

If you want to be able to connect with the interviewer or person you’re networking with, think quickly on your feet, be able to answer questions effectively, and portray a high-energy and self confidence, you need to feel good.

Most of us were trained (by almost everyone in our lives who believed it also) that by focusing on what is wrong we will get to what we really want. Focusing on what was wrong was thought to be how you prevented getting more of that wrong thing. Actually that is backward.

Let me share a technique that might help. It may sound counter-intuitive, too simple to be effective, or just plain silly. OK but please try it anyway for just a few hours.

In every situation, look for one thing that is good. Look for one thing you can enjoy, or appreciate or maybe even laugh at. Well that last one might be a stretch. But look for something that you can like—right now.

I’m not asking you to tell yourself that you’re really happy about something when you’re not and you shouldn’t even pretend to be. Remember this isn’t about pretending. Your feelings, whatever they are, are legitimate and not mine to judge. It’s about finding one thing to like so you can change your attention, your thoughts and thus your energy.

So ask yourself: What’s something good in this situation. If I wanted to like some little thing in what’s happening right now, what would that be?

Don’t pretend. Don’t try to reach for feeling ecstatic if it’s too far away. Instead, look for something that makes you feel just a little better. And focus on to that until you can find the next thing to feel good about.

It’s scary to stop focusing on what’s wrong as a way to get to what’s right. It’s also a great way to get the energy, attitude and confidence that hiring managers will appreciate.

Test it out for yourself to see if it gives you a better feeling. Who knows where that could lead?

“There’s a pony in here somewhere” (in case you haven’t heard it before):
A father was amazed that his son was always positive no matter what happened. So he decided to see just how positive his son could be.

He knew his son wanted a pony for his birthday, so he filled a room with manure and told his son that was his birthday present.

The son yelled “Yippee” and started digging through the manure.

The father asked “What are you so happy about? I’ve just given you a room of manure.”

To which the son replied, “But with all this xxxx, there has to be a pony in here somewhere.”

So whenever the “manure” builds up for you, look for the pony.

It is in there somewhere.

I was recently conducting a search for an executive for a large well known company. After one of my candidates was interviewed, I was eager to hear what I thought would be my client’s thumbs up feedback. I was stunned to hear that while he looked fabulous on paper, he had totally blown it in his interview with her.

What happened?

My client was very put off by the sound of desperation she picked up from the candidate. She said he seemed more desperate to have a job—and frankly any job--than excited about the position itself. Doing a job search can be tough, and it’s hard to be “up” when the mortgage is due—again.

Trying to cover up being discouraged, desperate or whatever word describes how you might be feeling doesn’t work. Your feeling creeps out in words, energy level and even the subliminal cues that constitute such a large part of how the listener perceives our message.

How to turn that feeling of desperation around without trying to lie to yourself.

What can you do to change your mood/energy/mindset? Here’s one simple exercise that can really help. It may seem too simplistic to be useful, but you’ll know in just a couple of minutes if it can help you turn your attitude around. So please just go with me for a minute.

I want you to write down all the things you can think of that are positive about your current situation.

Is this just doing affirmations?

I don’t want you to try to tell yourself that everything is rosy and you sure wish you had been out of a job much earlier! Those statements are similar to affirmations. I don’t know about you, but they never really worked for me. It seemed I was saying things that, while I wanted them to be true, they weren’t. That actually made me feel worse.

So instead, please start identifying some of the good things you have experienced since you started your job search.

Examples of positive things that came out of job search

Here are some I’ve heard while doing this with my coaching clients:

• I’ve gotten to spend more time with my 4 year old son. It’s amazing what that has done for our relationship and I wouldn’t have had that if I were working.

• I’ve met some really great people, and I’m astounded they are so willing to assist me. I’ve made some real friends I’ll have for a long time.

• I’ve had a chance to think about what I really want to do in my next position, and think seriously about what is important to me for the first time in a long time.

• I’ve gotten a lot more savvy about networking—online and offline—and those new skills will help me in my next professional role.

• I’ve stepped outside my comfort zone—a lot. I’m seeing that I actually can do things even when they seem scary and “not like me.”

<

If you spend just a little time each day thinking of what is positive, you will be able to focus more positively. You will then start to have a more positive attitude. That conveys a sense confidence and enthusiasm for the position—all of which is attractive to hiring managers.

Feeling better will make a difference. I know it might sound a little airy fairy, but just give it a try. Let me know what happens.