I hate small talk! 7 Essentials for Job Search Networking

I will freely admit that in addition to being a reluctant job search networker, I also hated small talk. Slam bam whammy a double curse!

When I became determined (ok, desperate) to learn how to do networking in ways that felt comfortable for me, I started interviewing people who were master networkers. That research is how I learned all the networking secrets I love to share.

Since that strategy worked so well to learn how to network, I decided to take the same approach to learn how to do small talk. I didn’t expect to learn to like small talk, just to learn some ways to sound as though I liked it. As I learned some techniques that actually worked, I started to like small talk in spite of myself!

Let me share some of what I learned, just in case you hate small talk, too!

First I had to learn and then accept there is a purpose to small talk. It gives you and the other person a chance to find something that you have in common. That is the beginning of building a relationship. And you’ll want to be a master of creating a relationship quickly since they are the foundation of your job search networking success.

So here are some quick tips to make small talk easier for those of us who kinda hate it and/or don’t do it particularly well.

• Make your first remarks quite neutral and non-threatening. Remember, the purpose of opening remarks is to let people process the sub-text that says you like them.

• Say something relevant to the situation. You may build agreement right away. For example, you may say “Beautiful place for this event, isn’t it?” This would encourage your conversational partner to start agreeing with you from the first moment. This is good!

• Say something pleasant, complimentary or empathetic because your first sentence is 100% of their experience of you at that point. If your first comments are boastful, complaining, negative or sarcastic (no matter how witty or intelligent), that will be their impression of you, and it will be a difficult task to change that impression.

• You will find that acknowledging them for something they have done is a powerful way to melt the ice.

• Say something that is easy to agree with. This provides sub-text that says “we agree, we’re alike, we have something in common. We can now move on to more meaningful conversation.”

• Save your jokes, strong opinions, clever remarks for when you know the person better. The sub-text here says “look at me; appreciate me.”

• You want your sub-text to say “I see you and I appreciate you.” Keep that thought in your head and it is conveyed easily in your small talk.

I know these may seem to be in the “well, duh” category. But I’m always amazed at how they help me feel a little more like a smooth schmoozer. I hope they help you if you hate small talk, too!

Job Search Networking for Introverts & Extroverts: There’s hope for all of us!

Introverts may think they cannot do networking. Yes, they can. And in a way that works for them.
Extroverts may not recognize just how many networking skills they have—and how to best leverage them.

Introverts: Your Unique Strengths
• You are sensitive to what’s happening around you and can pick up and relate to other people’s needs and feelings, resulting in others sensing you are empathetic.
• You come across as thoughtful and focused because you take the time to think before you speak. You are often able to quickly develop rapport and trust.
• You are skilled at sensing how to respond to people most effectively.
• You don’t always feel as though you need to be talking, making you are an excellent listener.

If you’re introverted:

• Realize that you have great information, and other people want and can use what you know.
• Give yourself permission to network in ways that make you comfortable. Remember that some of the most effective networking is done in a venue in which introverts shine – one-on-one.

Extroverts: Your Unique Strengths

• You are at ease with small talk and can easily engage others in conversation.
• You think things through by talking, so people know what’s going on with you.
• Because you ask easily for what you would like from the other person, you tend to get more of what you want.
• You are an excellent brainstorming partner because don’t force yourself to think things through before speaking.

If you’re extroverted:

• Because you are self-confident and can easily talk to people, be on the lookout for those times when you will want to ask other people a question. Find out what they want to talk about and get a sense of how they are feeling.
• Remember to switch gears beyond the social aspects where you clearly shine to take advantage of making connections and leveraging the job search networking possibilities.

Job Search Networking: Two Essentials—and Neither is Your Resume

The hidden job market really isn’t all that hidden.

It’s actually right in front of you, and all you need to do is network your way in. You’ll be surprised at how willing people are to assist. You can accelerate getting into the hidden job market when you are prepared for networking.

So if you’re going to a networking meeting—coffee with someone, an association meeting or conference where you will meet people who can hire you, an informational interview phone call—please have these things in place first.

First create your search strategy.
I’m amazed at how many people ask to talk to me about their job search without having defined who they want to meet, companies they would like to work in, etc.

I was talking to one job seeker and told her that I was really unfamiliar with her job function. But I might know people in her target companies so could perhaps help by introducing her. I asked if she had a list of companies where she wanted to work. What was her strategy?

Her response was that she was hoping she could just network and not have to create a strategy. When you have a strategy defined, you know exactly what to ask for. One way to guarantee they won’t be able to help you is to say, “Well if you hear of anything I might be interested in, let me know.”

Creating a strategy takes some time and perhaps some introspection and honesty. It’s time well spent.

The second essential is your career brand.
This is how you become memorable. By having your brand statement, you help people talk about you! You stand out and capture their attention.

Sadly and surprisingly, most job seekers today cannot tell a recruiter, hiring manager or networking connection what is compelling about them—what makes them the candidate to hire. In today’s economic climate, it may feel as though experience and skills are just commodities. What can put you in the lead, make you memorable to your networking contacts and irresistible to the hiring manager is all built around your brand.

If you are struggling to create your brand, please get my free report available on my blog.

It shows you how to have others help you uncover your brand–easier and you get some networking in at the same time! Please try it.

Job Search networking like crazy and wondering why still no job leads?

When I first started networking in my first job search, I was disappointed when I realized that most people wouldn’t have great job leads for me. Even after I got specific about the kind of position I wanted and had a reasonably good career brand statement, it seemed that almost no one knew about any job leads I should follow up on.

I had thought the process was: you tell people about yourself, tell them what kind of job you wanted and bang! You’ll start hearing about all those jobs in the hidden job market. That was what the books said would happen!

I started to assume people just didn’t want to share leads with me.  As I spent more time interviewing those people I had found who were so fabulously successful with networking, I realized that it wasn’t personal.

The reality is that when we are working in a company, we’re probably not aware of all the open positions even if it’s a small company or we’re in Human Resources. We may know of a few, but if they aren’t in our department or vicinity, we probably don’t pay much attention or have any way to hear about them. When I worked in large companies that communicated all their openings to their employees, I paid very little attention.

So often people simply don’t have a lot of leads to share, or may only have leads in their particular function such as accounting or IT help desk. Good for you if you’re looking for those kinds of jobs. Not so good if you’re a VP Finance. 

So a Sales Manager is probably pretty tuned in to all the sales openings, but probably not as aware of opportunities in finance or marketing.

The solution: network for the connections, not just job leads. Unless I was talking to someone in my exact field, I would ask for introductions to specific people I wanted to meet. This is an important strategy for networking online as well as offline. Don’t just ask for job leads; ask for connections. Ask for information about the company and for names of other people you should be talking to.

By following those introductions and then asking them for other people to whom I could talk,  my job opportunities arose. And it’s how I got my last four jobs by networking my way into the hidden job market.

Job search networking: They never got back to me!

It can be difficult to know what to do when people who offer some kind of help for your job search and then don’t follow through.

I’ve found that if people offer to help you, they almost always intend to do it. And then there is that big thing that can get in the way of those good intentions–life.

When people offer to do something, be sure to thank them. Then ask some questions so you know what they really intend to do. This also gets them to start thinking about really doing it. Often I’ve found that people say they will follow up with a colleague to introduce you but don’t really think about what or when specifically they will do it. So they just honestly forget.

And of course sometimes these offers are a lot like those promises to “call you for lunch—really soon.” So get specific to find out if this is a real offer or just an air kiss.

A few easy questions will help. Maybe questions like “are you sure you have time to do that?” or “I’ll want to follow up with them right after you’ve contacted them. Will you let me know when you’ve connected with them? Or do you recommend I just plan to call them on Wednesday? Should I call you later this week to follow up?” You get the idea.

Many times (most times, actually) I’ve seen job seekers say something like “OK, thanks.”  It’s almost as though the job seeker is afraid if they keep talking the person will change their mind. Or they are thinking “OK, got one. Now need to move on to someone else to talk to.”

You just need to ask some questions to make this work for you. You might feel that asking for specifics is being pushy or might sound ungrateful. As long as you don’t grill them under hot lights, I have found that some follow up questions from you makes the other person feel you are excited about what they have promised to do.

When you just say “thank you” and then just change the subject or move on to the next person at the meeting, it might give the person an impression that their offer wasn’t all that attractive to you.

Think of it like getting a present. When you just say thank you and that’s all, I might think you aren’t all that crazy about the sweater I knit for you. When you try it on, ask me how I fit the sleeves so well, I feel you really like what I’ve done. Help me feel you like the idea I’m going to do something that will help your job search.

If these questions about the specifics don’t you get specifics in return, I would assume the other person is making an offer they aren’t going to follow through on, and just lower my expectations. Then if they actually do follow through, it’s like an extra present. One that really fits.

A Backward Secret to Job Search Networking Into The Hidden Job Market

Job seekers often tell me “I’m worried if I am too specific when I’m asking for assistance, I’ll miss out on hearing about all available opportunities.”

I can certainly relate to people who are concerned that if they are too specific when they ask for assistance in their job search, they will miss out on hearing about other things that might be of interest to them. They tell me, “if I’m vague, then people will just tell me about a lot of things. If I’m specific, they will just tell me about that specific thing.”

Interestingly, a specific request actually just opens the door to so much more. It’s as if you need that specific request to get people thinking about you. Then they may be able to introduce you to the exact person you want to meet or tell you about the exact job you want, though that’s not always the result. If they don’t have that information, however, because you were specific they are able to think of other things that you might be interested in hearing about.

For example, one job seeker usually asked people to let her know if they heard of any recruiting manager positions she might be interested in. She’s a fabulous recruiter, but that request wasn’t getting her any leads to openings or other people to network with. We worked on creating a job search networking strategy wherein she listed the industries she wanted to explore.

Then she started telling people what industries and even the specific companies where she wanted to meet people. All of a sudden she was getting introduced to the right people! It’s as if that specific request just primed the pump to get them thinking. A vague request doesn’t seem to have that impact. And the worst request of all is “let me know if you hear about something…..”

Think about how you might respond to these requests. The first request is “let me know if you hear about something that might be a fit for me.” That request usually gets you a polite “you bet.” But it just won’t get you much more. Even worse, it makes you sound like nearly every other job seeker. What’s the benefit of that?

The second request is “I’ve targeted company XYA as a place I would love to work. Who do you know who works there?” This request can get you a variety of answers, all of them likely to be more useful than “you bet.”

Perhaps the person does know someone there, and would introduce you. Perhaps they know someone at a competitor to company XYA. Or maybe they know of an opportunity at a similar company.

Because you were specific, you made it easier for them to start thinking about specifics for you. Just try it and see what happens.